I just wrote the longest post, and then the power went out.
Hello, lessons and lessons.
Let me try this again…
You see ~
I have been taking little steps back into my life…
Back into the garden.
Slowly.
Thoughtfully.
And, with renewed respect.
As I start to feel better my outlook changes.
Fear is slowly replaced by caution.
I am reminded to respect nature.
Animals bite, insects bite, plants have toxins, and people punch if they are startled.
It’s about being aware and cautious, this renewed outlook I have.
I have been doing research about the plants in my garden.
I have gone through my step by step log of all the things I did before the hives fire.
I am still feeling a little strange and off, but the hives have subsided.
Yay!
That itch is mind blowing.
Wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I have talks with myself about them coming back, and how, it will all be okay if they do.
(easier said than done of course)
I will just have to work through it.
I think about toxins on the plants.
I think about kissing bugs.
I take your advice.
I love your advice.
It helps me feel less crazy, all holed up in a little room in the middle of nowhere.
I think about all the things I did different before the thing happened, and there were a few.
You know, the nurse who looked after me the second time I was in the hospital told me that her son had gone through exactly what I had, just not as long a time, but it was from being bitten by a kissing bug.
Scary.
I have done some research on allergists in my neck of the woods.
I look forward to it.
For some reason I have no fear of needles?
You should see the bruises on my arms from the poor nurse not being able to find my veins.
Oh my goodness, I keep thinking there is paint on me.
Then I remember, oh bruised 🙂
Sometimes I wish I had been a dermatologist.
How I love popping and squishing things.
Yucky, I know.
I don’t think I ever shared that when I was a little girl I could not go near grass without my eyes swelling up. I would get itchy sneezy and beyond miserable.
There came a point where I simply could not play outside.
My parents took me to an allergist as a little girl, and I went through the torturous medieval scratch tests on my back and arms, strapped face down – with skin balloon tests too, to find out what I was allergic to. (I hear the tests aren’t so bad nowadays)
There was almost nothing I wasn’t allergic to.
I proceeded to have to have, 4 allergy shots twice a week, until I was 19 years old.
Then one day I rarely sneezed again while outside.
In my renewed respect for nature I think about how in life, we get so used to the everyday, that we stop being cautious.
We stop locking our car doors when we get in.
We don’t look both ways.
We don’t check to see if there is a poisonous snake amongst the flowers.
Both literally and figuratively.
It isn’t until something goes wrong, that we are reminded, isn’t it?
Maybe those reminders are crucial?
I am keeping my head above water, and so happy to be done with those steroid pills today.
I am chucking some of these strange feelings to the pills, and looking forward to moving on.
I have had so many talks with my family throughout this.
My mom and dad are so wonderful to talk to.
My mom is a ray of beaming pulsating optimistic life.
I am so lucky to have her as my mom.
And my sister, boy do we laugh.
I always feel 13 when I am around her.
I come from a family of very strong people.
Not mean strong, but, don’t drown strong.
A sort of, find your happy, strong.
Hold onto your happy strong.
They are almost like….
Eat as much cake as you want, dance around madly, wear all your jewels while in your pajamas, but by golly, don’t drown in sadness.
Hang onto the gold thread, and find a way out.
That is how I see my family.
From grandparents to parents.
They all are sort of like that.
Tough, but partake in all sorts of shenanigans to keep their spirits up.
In a good way.
I for one think it is so important to feel.
To cry, to laugh, to scream, but to feel.
It’s the only way to find your way.
Major points on the map to self I think?
So much to think about, with philosophies abound.
For now I am doing lots of this…
And trying to keep still and recover fully, so I can get back to myself.
I have been drinking my usual buckets of water.
My dad always says “you know my love, there is such a thing as drinking too much water.”
I know he is right.
But I love the stuff.
I love drinking it.
Playing in it.
How I LOVE to swim.
I used to teach swimming lessons when I was a teen.
My life revolved around the water.
I miss it so.
Hello giant turnip 🙂
I have enjoyed watching Mister Lovee find his way in my gardens.
I am learning a huge lesson in all of this, and that is, to let go a little.
Let him help me.
We both have very strong personalities, and our own way of doing things.
But I have talked to him about my budding outlook on “we both do things differently, but with the same outcome.”
Which is super fine.
Great in fact.
It’s like tying our shoe laces.
We all do it differently, but in the end, we all have our shoe laces tied.
I am learning lots and lots of lessons.
I am open to them.
I want to learn, even though I can be stubborn.
I will tread lightly.
This morning my body woke up at 5 a.m. on its own, as it did before this happened.
I went to Mister Lovee and told him not to get up, that I would take care of the garden.
I slowly went out, cautiously, and I watered.
I did not touch, just watered.
I have my long sleeves and my gloves ready.
I am taking my little steps, and with each one, the fear washes away.
Little by little.
I am going to go rest my head and play with yarn a bit more.
I am one wilted girl, but feeling oh so much better.
I even caught myself singing today while washing my hands.
So much to learn all the time, isn’t there?
Fingers crossed that the hives stay away, oh please oh please, stay way hives…
Love, Vanessa
🖤
I am so happy you are feeling better. Baby steps. 🙂
I’m glad you are better!
I read hour woeful tale to mon amour who said exactly what your nurse said….kissing bug also known as an assassin bug. The first two times he got bit he knew it and we dealt with it with benydryl and cold showers. The third time he did not know he got bit and we went to ER for several hours of treatment. He now keeps an epi-pen with him. Please be careful we were told each bite has worse reactions.
I am so very happy that you are up and going back to business. Keep a close eye on your surrondings and things will be just fine. Take the proper precautions and one step at a time.
Glad to hear that you are feeling better lately! I was very worried, Vanessa! What kind of a world is this where nature turns against its mother? (That’s you.) I hope that the plants come to their senses, because hello! They must not have gotten the memo that they simply CAN’T harm this lovely, free spirit. I need to have a little talk with your garden…
Haha I hope you continue to search for inspiration around you and keep yourself safe. Ease into the water instead of diving in and all that yahoo. I’ll end with a quote from my buddy Walt:
“Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children’s approach to life. They’re people who don’t give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought – sometimes it isn’t much, either.”–Walt Disney.
I think that sums you up nicely 🙂 You remind me of Peter Pan sometimes (in female, of course.) I enjoy that aspect of clinging to your childhood and experiencing the aspects of being a kid in a scary adult world. Don’t we all want to go to Neverland, after all?
I’m sending buckets of well-being your way, dearie!
Vanessa:
I am so happy to see this new post. I was just worried that you might have had another “episode” of hives and your throat closing. So, so, so scary.
I think you’re right about the baby steps. No matter what kind of scary situation you are coming out of, baby steps is sometimes the only way to get back to ourselves.
When I was coming out of my very long and dark and deep depression, I took the tiniest of steps. It was a long time…a long road with many set-backs, and I’m still not completely back to myself, BUT….each little tippy-toe step brings me a bit closer.
Not only did you have a life altering allergic reaction, you are experiencing fear of one of things you love the most….your garden. It will take time to heal physically AND mentally. You are doing so great. You are so much stronger and braver than I am.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
Kim
Gerushia’s New World
I’m so happy to read this, Vanessa. For you to say your mother is a beaming pulsating ray of optimistic life, she must be like a Sun all of her own because you are such a beaming ray of life! Your family sounds wonderful, make me feel kinda like a zombie in comparison;-). It’s inspiring to hear you speak of them.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said about doing things differently, but with the same result. It’s nice to hear you talk about that too. And it feels so good- that inner shift, because it may not be an external action or some behavior that you change- just that inner shift of surrender, of allowing someone to be/behave differently. It’s such a peaceful feeling.
I’m so glad you are starting to feel better.
AH! Ssooo glad to hear your words again Vanessa! You have a great support system, wishing for you many continued and Grateful days ahead!
Now why something decided to challenge you in such a way is beyond me. They say don’t shoot the messenger and yet, I think you must be the messenger to keep us all up to speed of what the good things in life truly are. I see you as our brave heroine learning life’s lessons to teach us to go beyond what life dishes out.
Ok how beautiful is that crochet flower. Are you designing a new garden made of crochet blanket?
That Mr. L helping to tend your garden, Hurray for Mr. Lovee!!!!
My few hollyhocks bloomed out now, so I love seeing your beauties!
Sending continued prayers and love your way! ; )
Dear Vanessa – I am so happy to hear from you. You were in my thoughts today, so I am glad to hear that you are recovering. Slowly but surely is a good way. Perhaps a visit to an allergist would be a good thing – did the doctors give you any indication of what might have caused this? I do hope they find what happened so you can take proper precautions. I completely understand caution – I’ve been the same way with foods (having suffered two bouts of food poisoning in the past). You have such loving support from your wonderful family – and I know that will bring much happiness and healing power to you! And of course, there are your sweet furry babies, too. Take care – and be gentle with yourself. Thank you for checking in! xoxo
Hi, Vanessa – I’ve never written you but have been admiring your beautiful pages and words for many months now! Your writings about your recent medical scare made me want to write you.
I understand so much what you mean when you talk about being afraid of what you previously loved so much. In 2004 I went through a very traumatic Category 4 hurricane all by myself in my house in Florida. It pretty much wiped out my little town. After that for a very long time I was deeply afraid of the sound and feel of wind and storms, and just about everything else in the world — even though I had always especially loved dramatic wind and storms.
It was such a scary time, and although even now there are some things that occasionally still scare me a little and remind me of that day, I feel like I am back in my place in the world, loving all the things in nature I had always loved so much before the horrors and destruction of the hurricane. It’s just so sad and startling to be scared of things we have loved so much — and yet so wonderful when one day that fear is replaced with our earlier joy!
I am thinking good thoughts for you, and just wanted you to know how much your words struck a cord when I read them. They made me think about how far I’ve come to once again be eager to feel the wind on my face, and I wanted to thank you for reminding me of that blessing.
Take care of yourself and feel better.
I googled kissing bug, and see that someone is doing a study of the bug at the University of Arizona…so they are in your neck of the woods, Vanessa. They can spread a disease…so keep a close eye on your health….but I suppose I didn’t need to say that 🙂 I’m glad you’re getting back to doing the things you love. Will continue to send healthy thoughts your way.
Vanessa, I am so sorry this happened to you and I hope you are feeling much better as I type this. Such a scary situation, my prayers are with you!!! Hoping your weekend brings you back to good health!!!
dear vanessa i’m so sorry for your allergy!
i have been suffering with allergies since i was a child!
when i was 18 i almost died because i ate alisfakia’s oil!
please check out your garden in case you have there a plant/herb called alisfakia (i look it up at the dictionary and the name is this!)
So happy to hear that you are feeling better!
Big hugs to you!
Have a FunTastical day!
Sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive family.
Thank you for that post – it was a pleasure to read.
Thankfully this too shall pass. How scary. Deep lessons. I hope you are feeling better with each day. I think the trick is to hold on to a healthy fear and once that’s done throw yourself back to the wind
Xoxo
kj
Yaaay…look who is on her way back!!!~ 🙂
Strength, strong will and a positive outlook are all of the (and then some) traits you have ….so you are going to be just fine Vanessa!!~ …*happy*…Have a great weekend to you and yours 🙂
Kimberly~
You are just the most darlingest little Elfin creature that has ever existed and I love hearing all your thoughts and the fact that you’re getting back into your garden…slowly and cautiously. I hope today is an excellent day filled with happy thoughts and silly songs, OH! And I love the fact that you love pinching and squishing things…me too!! I have always been strangely attracted to pimples…eeeewwwww!!! I love you Vanessa!!!
Yes, SING! DANCE!!!and keep wearing long sleeves!! I was just wondering what a co-incidence Matty and YOU were sick at the same time! Did you two share something Mr. Lovee and Miles didn’t?!!Does Matty follow YOU in places Miles doesn’t? Could he have been bitten too?!! Please wear long sleeves too Mr. Lovee! Thinking of all of YOU and keeping YOU and YOURS in my prayers! I would sit in that swing, wear long sleeves,long pants, socks, and a big hat with netting to cover my face and take deep breaths and just be still for a while and then I would SING, SING, SING! That garden is soOOOOoOooooO Beauty Full!!!I pray for the kissing bugs to fly somewhere faraway!!GOD BLESS YOU,Mr. Lovee nd your SWEET furries, M&Ms!!! hehe
The netting could be some pretty tulle!
There was a new article on our news channel this morning. The kissing bug name is CHAGAS. It can bite you and stay silent in your system for a long time then the break out. Please look it up on the web. It sounds so much like what you talked about.
Lovely Cinda,
Yes, we are all being very cautious. Mister Lovee less than me.
He is trying to get me not to be afraid of the things that never have made me
sick. But I am still being very careful, and always will be.
Matty had something totally different, so I know we didnt share that…
but then again, who knows??? Matty and Miles follow me around like baby
chickens :)))
Vanessa
Valencia {A Fanciful Twist}
Website: http://www.VanessaValencia.Com
Blog: http://www.aFancifulTwist.Com
In a message dated 6/2/2012 8:02:55 A.M. US Mountain Standard Time,
Eleni, is that sage????? I think it might be sage…. you are
allergic to it? This is very interesting….
Vanessa
Valencia {A Fanciful Twist}
Website: http://www.VanessaValencia.Com
Blog: http://www.aFancifulTwist.Com
In a message dated 6/2/2012 3:02:16 A.M. US Mountain Standard Time,
Ellen, isnt it terrifying??? My friend Laura did a post about
this….
http://rhinestonearmadillo.typepad.com/my_weblog/2012/06/chagas-the-new-aids.html
And here are some good photos from the UofA, the University I graduated from which is doing a study…. all so interesting..
http://www.neurobio.arizona.edu/kissingbug-info.html
Although – I do think it was the tomatoe vines.. but then again, I have no clue… the cycle of not knowing, so bizarre.
Ahhh….
“Eat as much cake as you want, dance around madly, wear all your jewels while in your pajamas”
So true !
What a great thought ! 🙂
Sending a great abundance of Love and positive energy to you, Mister Lovee, Matty, and Miles !
Many Many Blessings,
Chelsea
I’m glad you’re back out there. Getting back on the proverbial garden horse is hard, though.
It’s nice of Lovee to take care of the garden.
so thrilled you are on the mend….. just take time and all will be well. Olive & Mollie xxx
P.S. When is the Mad Tea Party going to be this year?
I’ve been so worried about you. Maybe your childhood allergies have come back. I hope you can find a way of enjoying your wonderful gardening without it being dangerous to you. But it sounds like you are finding your way.
I hope you avoid the kissing bugs (and all other allergens)
Enjoy letting Mr. Lovee do some of the gardening.
Thank you sooo much for thinking of me!! I cant thank you
enough.
We have ruled out that itwas definitely not my
regularallergies….. something bit me or I had a reaction to something
that was drastic, what we dont know, but it was unusual….
One thing that is scary was the strange and isolatedness of it
all…..which shows that it was something strange, out of the blue, etc.
If something bit me, it was surely when I was not aware or noticed at
all.
Of course the doctors cant possibly know what it was – they know less than
I do. But they do know that that was a strange out of the ordinary episode
of some sort. This they do know. They see it often from bug bites or
someone eating something they didnt know they were allergic to, or from
exposure to a toxin or toxic plant like tomatoes.
It was so odd, It wasnt likeregular allergies, which was
strange….- it was a full blown attack to my system that was
totally out of the ordinary, and you know as I do research I learn so much…. I
feel like I was blind before. I guess sometimes, things happen and if we
are open we get to learn from them? I dont know 🙂
The whole thing was totally surreal and I cant even believe it
happened….
🖤
That’s great news you’re recovering Vanessa, fingers and toes crossed you’re now over the worst of the scariness. I’m sure you’ll be able to venture out into your gorgeous garden soon, wise with experience and more able to protect yourself. If you fancy a look at our wild garden – very different to yours due to the cool english country climes – I’ve just added some photos to http://www.idlebakes.blogspot.co.uk
Take it easy, and let yourself just be. Emalina x
Vanessa, I’m so happy to read that you are feeling better and that you are going to check out some allergists. BTW, those flowers you are crocheting are lovely? Are you using a pattern? Could you share your pattern? Thanks so much!
Hola Vanessa!
Espero que te encuentres bien.
Este año hay Mad Tea Parties?
Besos.
Hi Vanessa, been reading about your recent allergic reaction…I had a similar incident awhile back that scared the HE_ _! out of me, thought I was gonna die. Carry a epi pen, inhaler and Benadryl. Still don’t know what caused it. Oh well, you feel better soon and back to your wonderful self. Can’t wait for your Halloween Tea ideas. I’m planning our now…Black Cat Tea with Forest Spells! Doesn’t that perk you up already!? Aloha, Antoinette-Tea Mistress in the Forest on the edge of Kilauea Volcano
P.S. I’m using your Halloween, Gypsy cards as my invitations!! Love em
Oh, you so wise, little one. Yes, we can never stop growing, or learning, or becoming more. We can be many things in our one lifetime…just not all at the same time. I love your family.
**kisskiss** Deb
Dearest V, am so late to this party! Terribly sorry to hear of your misfortune and relieved you’re feeling much better. What a frightening experience! Take care of YOU! xxxxx
You have a great family Vanessa and you’re so lucky to have them. I love your photos especially the flowers. I think the flowers have a special magic which made you feel better now.