Yesterday was an intense day. It was oh so hot. I awoke at 6 a.m. to package parcels, get them to the post, and get into town to help with a strenuous outdoor project. Outdoors in Arizona heat is unreal.
Fall winter and spring in the desert are beyond glorious. But if you are not careful, summer days can zap the life right out of you. Working in the thick of it bakes your brains, body and soul. I would even go so far as to say, you forget who you are, or where you came from. A heat daze…
Who am I again?
At 7 p.m. I made my trek back to the country. Dropping off dinner to Mister Lovee at the office to get him through a late night's work.
I was beyond exhausted.
I arrived to the country house and walked over to my gypsy wagon. All of a sudden, I got a huge jolt of energy. Which led me to take everything out of one of our sheds in search of a little retro sofa I have. I became bound and determined to see how it would fit in the wagon…
Into the dusty wagon I went, using all the last of my energy to pull my little sofa in. I lit my candles, and threw a blanket over the sofa…
It was so dark.
It was dark and hot. But cozy at the same time. I felt like I was in a cocoon. I wanted to be sad. Little changes here and there in my life, saying goodbye to people I love. Too much to do, too much to clean, too much of everything for one elf to handle…
I wanted to think of all the things that are overwhelming about my life as I sat in the dark in my wagon.
But I couldn't.
It's not in me to mope. I can try, but it comes off as part of what Mister calls my "comedy show."
I kept thinking about what my friend's son said before he passed away from cancer over a year ago, at age 34. He handled his life changes and pain so admirably. He always used to say, "you have to be alive, to be inconvenienced…"
I realized as I lost myself in the flickering candle, that I think about his words almost everyday.
About how things could be worse. About, how I am beyond happy that I am healthy and able to do and deal with all the things I abhor. (like mopping, vacuuming, taxes/paperwork, the phone company, mean people, love shack repairs, in city house responsibilities, change)
Then, just like that, I can't be depressed or sad or annoyed…
I take it day by day, minute by minute, little steps and things get done…
I listen to my beliefs, their guidance. I take messages from mother nature. I fiercely protect my heart, mind and soul.
I think my greatest downfall, while I was growing up, was letting other people's opinions and mean words about me and my life affect me. It was never my family who hurt me, but friends, school mates, co-workers and strangers…
I wish I knew then what I know now. Don't we all feel that way?
Part of my self protection comes in the form of me repeating to myself, as if talking to another person, "You have no say in my life, how I live it, or what I do. My life is mine..."
I was already a dark tortured artiste type in my twenties, I'm over it. I guess I got it out of my system 😉
Anyhow, I was thinking bits and pieces of these things last night, while I sat in my gypsy wagon.
I looked out into the night, and I noticed that the mountains had a vast glow behind them. Then, just like that, Mother Nature came in with a message as the moon emerged over the mountains…
The words, You are just where you need to be and everything is lovely, swirled all around me, and I was drenched in moonbeam glow…
Believe in a path, believe in your path… and I do. I always have. I hold on tight…
In my twenties, all I wanted was to find peace of mind. And, the only place I could find it was in art. It was truly the only option for me.
I couldn't even think about what some of my friends were thinking about. Kids and a family and a husband. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to make it through the complexities of my mind… (plus I was much better at being a pseudo auntie ~ you know, cake for breakfast and 3 hour long baths with too many bubbles and snorkels – those sort of things I can handle)
I had to immerse every bit of my soul in paint. I used to say that my paintings were all my emotions, poured out onto canvas…
The point is. Taking my life back in my late twenties by not unknowingly doling out little pieces of myself for people to kick around, and learning to shelter my heart and soul, has been invaluable to me. I wish I had learned that sooner. Mammie always told me to do so, of course, I had to find out for myself 😉
It also took coming to the country 10 years ago and realizing that scrounging flowers to put in a glass jar, and using an old tattered fabric for an impromptu dinner under the stars with Mister Lovee was more beautiful than anything I had ever experienced. I found myself in a place where the fun in making something out of nature's offerings was incredibly fulfilling.
And so, I think he knows that taking weathered little treasures and making them whatever you want, is food for the soul. It was food for my soul.
With the moon peering onto me and my wee wagon, I found myself with another tattered treasure to work on, which would in turn, continue to nourish me. And so the journey begins for me and my wee wagon…
On a hot sweltering night –
My soul is peaceful and I revel in simple complexities, like spider webs and tree leaves and of course, moonbeam glow.
I admire tin cans lighting the rusty old ceiling…
And in this new-found gypsy wagon nook, the juggler of a wacky life rests, as her furry friend sleeps on, protected by the man in the moon…
Tired and disheveled and fulfilled she creeps to the house in the dark, her ribbon lost to a branch…
And, the next day, her life starts with grand force, by giving the red wooden creature a bath. Meanwhile, the phone rings off the hook, and the real world tugs tugs tugs…
She ignores it all, if only for an hour or two. Then with palpable peace of mind, she grabs her shiny red balls, and starts her juggling act all over again.
🖤,V
ps: Thank you for being there to read my words. To share your thoughts. They propel me to continue sharing. Goodness, how I value you. And if from time to time I drop a ball – for instance if I don't say hello as often as I should or respond quite quickly to an e-mail, it's that I might not be juggling very well. So, please don't ever feel ignored or slighted by me. Know that, that is never my intention. Love, V
pss: If you want to faint from sheer bliss, go here. And, if you want to be super inspired, go here…
psss: As Miss lovely Karen just reminded me, Jeanne Bayol with fill you with so much beauty and temptation, you won't know what to do with yourself ;) Go here to visit serious magical wonderment…
Oh Vanessa,
I know just how you feel. I really do. And must admit that I long for a Gypsy wagon of my very own. My own Mr. Lovee is not the type to see beauty in an old chippy gypsy wagon, he’d just see work. sigh…but I love him anyway. He has other attractions.
Erin 🙂
http://www.fairiemoon.typepad.com
oh my! goodness knows how we don’t all juggle so well all the time (or even most of the time, hee hee)! i’ve come to accept that as part of life, my life. thank you thank you thank you miss v for all your sharing; of your soul and life and little bits of what you find beautiful in this life. we all drop the ball now and then (and sometimes more often here and there, hee hee)… you are so valued!
i certainly have been a big blogger delinquent this summer, but some breaks are a must. for sanity’s sake, or whatever sanity we have left, hee hee! oh i sound nutty!
thank you again for sharing, you are never alone.
love to you miss vanessa!
xox
jennlui
A beautiful insightful post…you are wise beyond your years. I am going to remember the part about not allowing others to take pieces of ourselves and kick them about. I don’t know how to accomplish that with some people but I should learn. You have a beautiful heart, sweet Vanessa…full of the spirit of love.
Wow V! You always seem to have the words I need just when I need them. Amazing…
Thank you.
I too know just how you feel, life and all it’s little events can get pretty overwhelming. Your friends sons words are very wise, I will remember them the next time I’m feeling like the universe is crashing down around me. You are very lucky to have a special little place to sneak off to, wish I had something like your gypsy wagon-tho I don’t think my kids would let me have it all to myself haha.
Take care
***Blessed Be***
You are a very clever girl, dearest V. Juggling is so difficult; remembering what’s important and letting yourself not get distracted by negative people or things that drain one’s time and energy is key. I love how you’ve already started applying your magical touches to the gypsy wagon!
Such beautiful links here too. Big hugs to you for all the changes; I know some are bittersweet. xoxox
Your thoughts are so beautiful, I find them so incredibly inspiring. Thank you for always writing such uplifting posts, they are always filled with magic…
XOXO,
~Krista
Another beautiful post. I admire that you were able to see so clearly in your 20’s to take your life and make it your own. I am almost done with my 30’s and just getting around to claming my peace. I feel as if I am so far behind…playing catch up. But i’m alive and healthy, and have plenty of time, so no pouting! I think I’ll go paint.
Thank you again for inspiration.
good lord, how could anyone feel slighted by you??!!! admittedly, you are a regular source of comfort and joy (like a good christmas carol, heh!), and the things you share are deeply treasured, but i think that i prefer you being human, so a little haphazardness is not only normal, but your god given right, girl!
you should never worry too much about that kind of thing. anyone with a grain of sense would know that even one post a month would be a gift:)
and hell i adore those night shots in particular. I will be over for a peep at the caravan shortly, just let me get my desert slippers on….
xxx
V~
Oh My!! This is such an amazing post. I need to re-read. Oh and Congrats on your Gypsy Wagon. What a wonderful surprise!! I can’t wait to see how you transform it into lovely-ness 🙂
Have a great weekend. I am super inspired tonight!!
Kylee
Your lamps in the dark are so pretty! I love what you say about letting go of paranoia about what others think of you- I’ve been struggling with that lately and realizing that I need to give more grace to others and their imperfections along with being more kind to myself. They go together I think. When i saw that first picture of your feet, I couldn’t figure it out- it looked deformed like you have three toes, haha! 🙂 I think I figured it out now. 🙂 Candice in Bangkok
Ohhh how I wish I could lay in a wagon & glance at the moon & the stars and make wishes on them all from a far…life goes by in a flash then you realize were has the time gone…so take every chance – all the moments that you can, whether they are big or small & enjoy as though they were your last…V * thank you for taking me to a place that sometimes is only in my dreams..but one day I hope that they will be reality for me…have a honey of a night – sweet dreams! grace peace & joy 2 “U” Marlene aka QBeeC
Such a lovely post, both in the pictures you painted with your lens and the pictures you painted with your words.
“you have to be alive, to be inconvenienced…” Amen to that, and embracing life even when it is inconvenient and annoying is one of the hardest things to do and yet one of the most vital if we are to get all that we can out of the time that we are given.
I’m absolutely in awe of the first image taken out of your wagon, looking at the fading light. Wonderful! Your comfy, cozy place looks like it would be an absolute delight to get lost in a good book when the autumn chill begins to creep in. I envy you your future adventures in that space.
There is certainly no need to apologize. There isn’t a one of us who juggles very well for any sustained period of time. 😉
Little Miss V, You live your life so much bigger than I do mine!!! I’m beyond appreciative of your observations and spirit in all things!!! Please never stop feeding my soul with your beautiful words and perspective on life!!! I truly love it so much!!!
Wow. I think you wrote this just for me and just for this moment. Right now, I’m sitting here pouting because I worked oh-so-hard today and didn’t get a big enough “Thank You.”
What a whining baby I’m being! “You have to be alive to be inconvenienced.” Thank you for sharing that.
I love reading your posts, and your wagon looks like a magical place. Even in the heat, life looks beautiful where you live.
Kaerie Faerie
Love, love, love they way you write. Thank you.
Oh I forgot, love your G.Wagon…..
Sometimes when I read your posts I feel as if you have a doorway to my mind… heart… soul…. you say what I long to …. you say what I cant… the words wont come….
Yet I come here and everything I feel is written by your hand… amazing how you do that….
Ok so I fainted from sheer bliss… I was totally and completely inspired (awesome chair) …..I agree a box full colorful pencils would make me happy…. and I found a land of magical wonderment….
Fabulous post …. as always
LOTS OF HUGS
JO
As usual, and most magically Miss V, your insight comes to me at the exact moments where I am in need of your beautiful words to ease my mumble jumbled mind. I am in this little box called the mid-20s and I am struggling to find what you have; that feeling that you belong right where you are… Thank you for helping me remember that it will happen for me eventually, and that life is as magical as I want it to be.
Lots of love to you.
danielle
oops..you’ve done it again…great post Miss V…and words that I especially needed to hear.
What a wonderful gypsy life you live! I adored your gypsy tents outside (last year) and now I love your gypsy wagon…your gonna have fun decorating and painting it. And I love the luscious photos of the magical blog you clued us in on of more gypsy mystery. The colors blew me away and lightened my spirit, soul, and mind. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for cheering me up!
Teresa
Hello Vanessa,
I do recognize the same feelings… I grew stronger emotionally the fast 20 years and through sad things that happened in my life ( dead of my sister and father) I learned that life is beautiful.
I can have a “bad day”, but not anymore ” bad days”… I try to enjoy life everyday again, start over again every day, to live NOW and of course I have ups and downs and life isn’t always sweet, but I know now I’ll survive and I have to savour all the good and nice things in a day even if it was only a very tiny thing that day. Days are not completelly bad, there is always a good moment. It’s up to us to SEE it .
Enjoy your life NOW ( but I know you mostly do !!)
greetings from Belgium
Inge
I always love all of your posts, but I think that this is one of those that really touched me deep in my soul. It was so perfect, and maybe reflective of the way that so many of us feel. “You have to be alive, to be inconvenienced” is a quote that I must write down so that I can look at it every day. So many times we forget that, and then I think that there are people who never learn what it means. How sad I feel for them. Thank You Vanessa!
“My soul is peaceful and I revel in simple complexities, like spider webs and tree leaves and of course, moonbeam glow.”
PERFECT. (there was a teardrop, in the corner of my left eye when i read this)
Such a soul sister you are 🖤. You are a shimmery gypsy fairy elf princess full of wise words entwined with sparkly butterfly wings and moon beam songs.
I am so glad the universe thought it was high time I should know you.
It is an honor that makes me happy giddy and peaceful, all at the same time.
You rock Veevala.
xoxoxoxviiivvvxoxoxox
you took the thoughts right out of my cluttered mind sweet Miss V!!! thinking of you and sending you many hugs (drenched in moonbeams!!)
xoxox…jenn
My Lady V., reading your post today I feel in sync with you. Seriously, to be alive can be beautiful and painful too. We have to do our best with the sunshine and the rain and enjoy both. Sending you much love and hugs.
Oh girl, how is it that you tell the stories that I need to hear just at the time I need to hear them. I’ve been going through a very dark time right now and your story lifted my spirits up! I adore you!!!
Hi Vanessa!
I have been away on my lovely holiday and now I am back I am catching up on my blogland world. I loved reading your wise words and wanted to say they really resonate with me. Makes me sound like some kind of musical instrument! It was lovely to read!
Oh-and I never feel slighted!
Sarah x
Oh Bunny Love! The “believe in your path” photo is SO enchanting. I LoVe. Seems it was an overwhelming week round the world…something in the air? Maybe it is just the need for a change in the season. I am having a need to be at home alone this weekend…except for all the little aneeemals who follow me everywhere, as if I am the Pied Piper. **blows kisses** Deborah
Las Vegas may be the next stop for us and the summers are brutal there, too. Suddenly after your post, you make it seem doable…
Ms Vanessa, as always your words hit many chords in my own life. Thank you for your candor and openness. You have no idea how you touch out here. I had my own meditation under the moon in my greenhouse the last few nights… no gypsy wagon, but just as nice. I think we all have a little gypsy in us, don’t you? Your photos;exqusite… your words; even more so. Vicki xxx
Un post encantador como me tenes acostumbrada.
Lindo fin de semana.
Thanks for this little bit of summery heaven. I can picture the feel of homeyness and adventure, a perfect dichotomy in your trailer and the reflection on all that is good in this world. I know that things pull at our flight, trying to either come with us as we joyously go or to even bring us down. You just do what you must to tell them, “Love to you, but, please don’t pull me down, (even when they are just your own thoughts) I know. I felt quite flightless last night and sometimes that is just when a raven or a gypsy sends a bit of kindness and adventure. I am glad for this post of yours. It is a truth you tell to the sunset and the sun listens. Blessings dear one.
I see that the wagon is already working it’s magic…and being introduced to your world bathing under the sweet moon that has been visiting us lately…
Miss V, I always appreciate your wisdom and perspective on things, and your photos. Thank you so much.
What a beautiful, thought-provoking post. I’ve been dropping by often taking in all of the loveliness of your blog. I especially enjoyed reading this one. Being in my twenties, I go through a similar struggle… your journey was uplifting.
I won Denise’s giveaway (Denise at Polka Dot Moon), which were gorgeous postcards from your etsy shop. I don’t think I ever thanked you. I’m sorry- that’s so rude. I’m scared to touch them because they’re so pretty. I even saved the envelope they came in because even that was artistic! (I had to touch it open it). 😉 Thank you.
I haven’t been stopping by as frequently as i’d like these days but i’m so glad i did today! That dark twenty-something you speak of is where i am right now. Oh, how i wish i could come out of that shell soon. I, too, turn to art – photography – to get me to my happy place. Thank you so much for your inspiration.
love you
Thank you for being you…you inspire me to try and let go of all the yuck from my past and live and grow…I am so excited to see your lovely gypsy caraven in the flesh lol
I hope things settle down a bit for ya Vanessa! I do love that you let it all go for an hour or two to tend to your wagon…I’ll bet she’s coming along beautifully! I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t forget to take time for yourself like that very frequently! That way, you’ll be on top of your game and not too overwhelmed when life comes at ya from all angles at once. Okay…yeah, better said than done…I need to practice what I preach, hehehehehe…
Jamie 🙂
Vanessa,
Oh, I just love that flicker link Vanessa, and I am so glad that you and Lisa both introduced me to gypsy wagons.
Being an artist is such a delicate thing, we can dance between passionately sad to giddy in a matter of moments. I think when we can capture these moods into a creation we can harness our emotions. I love looking backward at years gone by, it’s so wonderful that we are all those people. My favorite person is actually me at four years old. Vanessa, shhhh don’t tell anyone but at sixty I am more that four year old than ever before. It’s so cool, but don’t tell my teen daughters…I’m keeping it a secret until I am a Grandmother someday.
I love that blog link, and of course just visiting you leads to inspiration.
Karen
Where to begin.
Hmm.
First of all, I moved recently, and your pictures, the gorge canvas jobs that are framed in beautiful bronze frames with lovely mats are now sitting in a pile (carefully mind you) on the sitting room floor, awaiting patiently their new wall homes. I am in love with them as much today as I was the day I placed my order. And to think it all sprung from a delightful desert-dwelling girl who is close friends with one of my dearest friends (Tara) and close friends with one of my truest heart friends (Lisa O) and that all the inspiration and musing sprung from a discontented and mean spirited bunch of addled brained coworkers, school children and strangers whilst growing up…well I don’t know who to thank, them or YOU!
A healer once told me to thank those who cause me pain. She said without them, I would never grow. Now people who are a pain in the ass to me I say THANK YOU! LOL
Seriously. I thank them. Because they assist my consciousness to grow, to live, to be more knowledgeable, happy, alive.
🙂
You are such a person to me but in a really good way. You are like the older wiser sister I never had (who, in actuality, is younger than me but it doesn’t matter in spirit years!).
You more than deserve your desert life with your Mr.Lovee poo and your new lovely gypsy wagon and your sparkly shiny Arizona starry skies.
I hope you know how much happiness you deliver.
I am forever grateful.xoxo
A wonderful glow… your moonbeam, that is! 🙂 Keep cool and know that you have a wonderful space here! You inspire so many of us!
XOX
Christina 🙂
Hi Vanessa, just wanted to say hello and comment on your post here, one that I entirely agree with especially this week. Pete (the husband)and I have been going through some of the most life changing lessons we have ever learned, not bad but good. We are discovering so much about life and being okay with ones self words could barely describe. Your post here is exactly the same way we have been feeling the past few days, coming home after long hard journeys in the sweltering heat to our beloved garden projects and relaxation much deserved in a moment of silence bathed by the moonlight. Isnt it funny how someone far away can feel the way you feel and have a similar experience at the same time? For me theres only art as well. I feel like Ive always known you.
I hope you have the best time ever fixing up your new wagon friend, and many a year of love art and whimsy.
Thanks for sharing your life with us, HurricaneKassi and Pete <3
Vanessa,
Just home from holiday, and sitting down to get caught up on blogs and as always I enjoyed meandering through yours. Have you ever read anything by Madeline L’Engle? (Circle of Quiet, Walking on Water, etc…) Today’s pondering post reflected her style of writing, as she’s one of my favorites is a mega compliment to you.
Peace and Warm Wishes,
Toma
I’ve been feeling rather depressed lately, and have been coming to visit your blog for something to lift my spirits. You’ve really touched me with this post… just wanted to let you know that. Like you, I’ve had people be mean to me too, and although I’m all grown up it doesn’t just go away. I know hoe you feel. Thanks so much for helping me to put things into perspective, I needed the help. XOXO moonlight
oopsie.. I meant to say I know “how” you feel… not the other thing.. my hand slipped as I’m typing in the dark! Sorry about that 😛
Soooo…..do you have a book deal yet? You should you know.
Whats interesting is I think you are also saying put yourself 1st. Its been so long since I have done that but I am again trying to.When I put my own needs (atleast sorta) at the top of the list the others fall into place.
The pangs of life…
I will have to remember the quote from your friend’s son.
This does put things into perspective. I just wish those little and big
pangs did not stop me in my tracks so many times.….
I find that mean people always justify themselves with their righteousness and
for whatever reason they have followers. In my many years of living, I have found the best revenge is
being truly happy with who I am and what I have done.
Proof in point have you ever noticed how bad news travels faster than good news.
Dear V. you are wise beyond your years
I love your gypsy wagon and I think this wagon will be a tangible symbol of the
wonderful and successful women your are…
Follow your heart, because a good heart will never lead you astray..
Gypsy wagon, you lucky duck! You are an inspiration…. xoxo
like a gypsy fairy tale, moonlit magic. may you & your wagon live happily ever after.
You are so magical…Vanessa, just stay true to your heart. You are very wise and I know you will always have love on your side! These Gypsy Wagons are amazing…i never knew they existed now. Can’t wait to see more photos of yours. Hugs!
Vanessa,
You are an old soul. Most people take a lifetime to understand what you grasped in your twenties.
Your words are so inspiring to me. You lift me up on my most difficult days.
~elaine~
If I need a pick me up…a bit of wisdom…I come here dear girl…you have such a gift in the way you express yourself…I’m so pleased you have a lovely man and supportive family…the rest…well…they just don’t matter…you’re living your own life…and it’s lovely to be able to share a bit of it through your blog…and that wagon..well it’s just wonderful…don’t fix it up too much…it’s perfect the way it is…
This post is beautiful. I quickly jotted down your friend’s words.
I have been searching for the perfect quote to go on an artwork for my kitchen porch, a reminder of sorts just for me. That one has been added to the list –
Have a beautiful day
I always feel this magic when I come to visit your fanciful (online) abode. Your words are sparkles on my day…..and I’m so thankful to have met you, and that you inspire such kindness, thoughtfulness, and joy!! 🙂
Aaaaannnnnnnd, I want a gypsy wagon,too!! tee hee!! 🙂
That was lovely. I was moved to comment because only minutes ago, I was gazing out my morning window with a lot of unanswered questions and for some reason, some hurt feelings and I saw the morning moon. I wear a beautiful little silver antique pendant given by my hunny. I grabbed it from around my neck as I looked at the moon and asked, “What is the right way, Luna?”, hoping for some feeling of content to come over me. I sighed and moved away from the window and came directly to the computer to see what others have been up to this weekend and there was this post. A wonderful strength and spirit you shared along with Luna…I believe things happen for a reason…thank you. ~ER~
“I revel in simple complexities”
I like the way you think. And you are thanking us for writing to you? When it is you, dear Vanessa, who pour out your deeply embellished soul and invite us all into your fairy bower to revel in the moonlight. I cannot count the times that I have had my spirits lifted just by skipping along with you in your dream-come-true world. You make me want to savor every moment and take a bite out of all the deliciousness that surrounds me, that I neglect to see while rushing through each day.
Thank you.
xo
E
you are so inspirational Vanessa 🙂
i would LOVE to have a gypsy caravan (need more land first though). Isn’t Jeanne Bayol fantastic? i’ve been trying to find 2 of her books (‘Vivre Boheme’ and ‘Les Roulottes’) that aren’t $60-$70 each 😉
p.s. that moonbeam is incredible!
I find as I get older that juggling is just not my thing. I try and get all discombobulated!!!! So you can drop my red ball all you want. I understand!!
Hugging you
SueAnn
Hi Vanessa! This is such an inspiring post and reads so true especially at this time of my life when I finally feel I am finding my place in the cosmos. How easily we stray from our path because of the words of others.
I love these words
‘My life is mine. Believe in your path’
I am reading ‘The Secret’ and you seem to be the epitome of its ethos- self-belief and gratitude for blessings (large and small).
Besos xx
Dear Vannessa,
You have such a lovely life and you sharing your life makes me reflect upon my own, and pick out all the pretty, precious parts!! thanks for sharing, it’s so endearing! you’ve inspired me to make my own gypsy wagon. ever since i saw hunchback of notre dame i’ve wanted to be a gypsy and then my grandma told me we had gypsy in our blood and it’s been such an intrigue to me ever since! have fun today and may you feel mucho-inspired and delight in sharing it with us!