Don't you love late summer thoughts? They waft in, they waft out. Intense at once, and then fading so quickly, convincing us they had never been. A menagerie of feelings fluttering about.
Thoughts right now…
I feel a longing, but I don’t know for what?
I feel excitement, but I don’t know about what?
For a mere moment, I feel concerned, but I have nothing to feel concerned about.
It feels silent.
What is to come?
It feels like there is a change on the horizon. But I haven’t a clue what could change?
Everything changes from moment to moment I suppose…
Ever changing time.
I see a few tiny grey strands in my hair for the first time, sneaking in, getting cozy, like they want to stay. And I like them.
I am not afraid to grow old.
I find a peace in aging. I am beginning to look less 25 in the mirror, and I don’t care. After-all it was a decade ago. For me, it's easier to let go, than to hold on. But inside, inside I feel young as ever.
I find a calm in throwing my hands up in the air.
I have made pacts with myself, about trying not to lose myself, and I have made myself a map, as to how to get back if I do happen to lose myself a bit. Do you do that?
I have a huge desire to please. Only this time, for once in my life, it is to please myself.
My perceptions are changing. Sometimes I wish the girl in me now, could have stood up for the teenage me.
Alas, the old adage comes to mind, if I only knew then what I know now.
Then again, the past is history, no point in even losing one inch of thought on what could have been. It’s over, there is nothing we can do. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
So, we let go.
I have enjoyed my youth until bursting.
And will continue to do so.
I look upon my twenties with great fondness, even the angst ridden introspective times seem vastly beautiful from this vantage point.
I have so many friends that are much older than me, that I have learned so much from. The greatest thing I have learned is that life is long, and we are not old, at the ages we think we are. Whoever decided what age is young and what is old, was cuckoo in the head. Life is long, and age is but a number. You can be youthful, for as long as you want. You do have a choice in the matter. Only the added bonus is that, now you have wisdom too. What a gift! No one ever mentions that, do they? So silly.
The world may seem scary and sinister sometimes, but there is so much goodness and beauty too. I turn my face away to the yucky stuff, and work at living the best life I can live. And I believe that somehow, if I hold on to a thread of hope, everything will work out.
I have all these thoughts in my head, and yet, nothing is going on in my life that should cause such thoughts.
Just the long hot summer sneaking in, having a date with my brain…
I pick up feelings from people around me. I have always been like that. I can feel other people’s feelings at the drop of a hat.
I have all these feelings dancing around me today.
Are they yours?
Are they mine?
Are they feelings searching for a home? Dancing through clouds?
Am I just having a reaction to shellfish?
🙂
Nah.
So many thoughts.
Right now I think I need one bite of coconut cake.
And that…
That is a good thought.
I loved your sharing of tales in the last post.
It was so exciting for me, to get to hear your snippets.
Just loooved the sharing.
Thank you for that.
(Tori Amos, Thoughts. Early B-sides)
I think we should do that more often.
Love, V
Vanessa:
I believe in life-long youth. And…you are right, with age comes wisdom. So, I feel young at heart, but I am so much wiser than I was in my 20s. The perfect combination!
Ohhh…may I have just a small bite of that Coconut Cake, please?
Kim
Gerushia’s New World
Wait!–a map to show me how to get back to myself? why didn’t i do that? i didn’t even leave bread crumbs!
This post was very much like a hug to me. It was peaceful and beautiful and thoughtful and put some tears in my eyes. So glad you are embracing those greys! I have gobs of grey. I’m not even sure if I have more dark brown or grey. I just walked away for a moment to examine my hair in the mirror, but nope, I still can’t tell which I have more of. Ha!
I am such a fun-loving goofy sort, and I love to laugh and make people laugh. Oh, I know when to be serious, but inside I do embrace a spirit of youthfulness! And this is at the tender age of . . . of . . . mmmmmm . . . 50-something. Must add that it is in the LOW 50’s. ; )
My grandfather used to make a wonderful from-scratch coconut cake. He has been gone many years now, but this cake mentioned in this post and the last have me reliving happy times! (Oh, and a few more tears are appearing!)
Love you and your sweet heart and spirit! Thank you for this post and for touching my heart.
Darling V, you are a treasure and a very wise woman. xxxxx
coconut cake makes anything better 😀
loved this post!!!
~victoria~
I know just how you feel. Always remain a child at heart 🙂
Isn’t that funny, those thoughts you are having…not knowing why or where they are coming from!? I do that too! And have always been able to pick up those peoples feelings around me (you must be a sensitive soul Ms. V, but we already knew that 😉 😉 It’s been a crazy few weeks and haven’t been around much, but wanted to check in. I’ll have to go catch up with what you’ve been up to too.
Hugs,
Jamie 🙂
WOW!!! I needed this today…I guess you were picking up on my feelings..hahaha (my husband is exactly the same, he can pick up on everybody’s emotions..its is a gift)
your blogs always make my soul soar to fantasy lands..I love the feeling I have after reading your blog…:)
You are having these thoughts for me as much is changing in my life. Hold tight and keep the map handy i may need to find way back. LOL!
Is that your mandolin in the first picture? We had one very much like it a few months ago. The one we had was made by Wolfram. Anyway, the one you have is is a pretty one. http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035733760@N01/5469216074/
I always love to visit you for a little escape! I love your big beautiful sky! Enjoy your afternoon! Guess what I’m making for dinner? Your quiche recipe! I’m going to use broccoli and use some beef bacon that I’ve already cooked to give it some more flavor…and cheddar cheese! I’ll save you a piece! Hugs! 🖤
I love this post Vanessa-the words and pictures-the whole thing together is beautiful and wise. x
Beautiful post, again, Vanessa.
I’ve heard it said, that ‘old age’ is always 15 years older that how old you are. Think about it…seems to ring true, somehow.
Truth is, one never feels one’s age. (except when one’s body starts to ache and not be able to do the things once done easily) But there are heaps of goodies to be had in all stages of life. I also, was thinking about my life just last night. You know, the last three years of my life have included the very worst and the very best moments of my life so far. (I’m 53)
I’d heard all the stories about being a grandparent. But how was I to really know that it would REALLY be this wonderful?? I’ve had WONDERFUL pets, and terrific KIDS…but SOMEHOW my heart had ANOTHER kind of incredible love quietly hiding , deep within, just waiting for these little people to arrive. Life has so much to offer in the way of SURPRISES along the way!
Love the way you love your life.
You are such a sweet and gentle spirit.
Wishing you all the best always.
Miss Vanessa, How very wise you are.
For the best is yet to be.
Please keep in mind your inner child for with her you can escape to any place you wish…
Much happiness always.
I love this post…..I often wish that I had the wisdom back then that I have now…..but as you said you can’t do anything about the past. I find that I’m becoming more carefree with age…..going with the flow…..and doing things that are good for me….putting my feelings higher up on the list…..and doing things that make me smile. Thanks for this post….for reminding me.
Your posts are always a beautiful dash of life, sad or happy, but this post was powerful enough to move me from worry(thanks news!) to hope. Thank you for that.
Vanessa, I love your blog and your insight and love for life, your dogs, your garden, Mr. Lovee, and your home with all your collected little trinkets. I have stopped by often this year as I had much quiet time as I cared for my ill mother in my home. My mother died in early May, after having a wonderful day, one of her best days, actually. I have spent the summer taking care of her unfinished earthy business as well as gradually going through her beloved things and caring for them. I have the summers off as I am a school teacher, so, the time was greatly appreciated. As we prepare for a new school year I have been thinking a lot like you have. I usually love fall, but, I am not eager to see summer end as it’s such a new beginning for so many, but, not for my mother now. I have grieved all summer and continue as I go through pictures, find her nurses cap and student nurse uniform (I cried buckets of tears upon this discovery). I planted a garden this summer in an effort to cultivate new life and eat foods free from pesticides and nurtured by the sun. My gardening efforts have been a joy, but, little production. I still am holding out hope for my watermelon and pumpkins. Please know how much your blog has inspired me and cheered me up. I am so happy you have your furry babies, and I have a little rescue terrier and a sweet cat that someone dropped off in my yard 6 years ago. They are my dearest friends and a source of so much unconditional, true love! I love your art and I have even begun doing some drawing myself. I want to start painting, as I actually have a very famous Swedish painter in my family, and I’m not too bad…I am getting a piano this year and will begin taking lessons this fall. I am a bit older than you – 51 and now I can do these things that I’ve always wanted to do. Sorry for such a long comment. I have only left two comments to blogs in the past and one was when you were overcoming your dizziness. Thank you so much for your blog. You are a real blessing. Hugs, Ann
You seem to have a good perspective in life. This is really interesting post and the picture itself is telling a story.. Good style of the pictures…Very impressive!
sweet post. I think we all go through this feeling of letting go at a certain point in our lives… earlier if we’re lucky. Mine came last year along with my 40th. things are funny that way.
Hi Miss Valencia! I was just thinking about this the other day too. As I approach my thirties I look back and I am amazed – how could my younger self not know what the me now does. That means I am not the same anymore, which is strange because I dont want to change. I want to be the me then and the me now.
I understand experiences and a certain wisdom comes along with age. I wish I always had this knowledge, and now I understand what I was always told by elders, which was “I wsh I was your age”. I thought they meant they just wanted to relive their younger years, but now I think it’s because they wish they could relive them with their wisdom and knowledge they have now. Young and wise.
Some days I just can’t stop thinking about these thoughts, not negatively,but positively. I think about all the things the me now can accomplish and do, that way the me in the future won’t have any regrets.
Along the way, maybe we should write ourselves letters, reminding us of us now. Like time capsules we did when we were little.
Take care and be well!
Kim
Oh my! Am I glad that I jumped on the puter for just a sec at sleepytime…before closing the lid, I randomly came across your magical land. I’m enamoured by your stories, quirky wordage and dreamy pics. People like you in the world make things a lot sweeter and much more inspiring. Thanks for being who you are pretty girl.
Your new pal from Oh-HI-yo,
Jodeye
Change IS in the air. Here in Middle Earth, it is finally cooling off enough to breath and run with the puppies. Autumn is peekingout at us…just around the corner.Ah, that map on how to get back to yourself…you already have it: a quite place to spend some time just being and thinking about who you are and where you are at. A bit of peace and quiet.Thank you for your post.
I get a sense of melancholy and of longing in the late days of summer. The melancholy comes in part because I am not the fan of the season that I was when I was a child. I purposefully try to enjoy the summer despite despising the heat and humidity but inevitably I look back and feel as if I’ve let a lot of precious time slip away while I was in some sort of protective hibernation mode.
The longing comes early and it is a longing for autumn. Yesterday was the first fully cloudy day in a long time with threats of rain and even though the temperatures were not autumnal, I could feel that excitement in me stirring, that knowledge that it won’t be long now before I’ll be feeling cool breezes and will be wearing long sleeves and drinking in the scent of cinnamon and pumpkin.
I get this Fall Fever far too early for my own good, and it makes for some days with a palpable ache for a time that is yet to arrive, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Age is but a number (just as your dress size is too!) but wisdom can come from anywhere. You, dear soul, have wisdom in spades! I, who am but a number higher than yours, am starting to forget what the 20s were all about. I was certainly not as present in my life as you are today. This weekend is my 25th class reunion (yes, you can do the math!) and next week is my birthday (I am going to pretend that slice o’ cake was virtually baked for me!) and I have a lot to learn. Most of what I learn comes from people whose calendar age gives them no business schooling me, but it is true. You are a wise woman, to let those gray hairs settle in and get comfy. I am still fighting them (since I was about 20 no less!) but I still have the upper hand in that battle!
😉
Enjoy the day, dear Vanessa!
Erin
I totally understand these sentiments. I cannot believe I am 43. I still feel like i am 16. i feel like I could be one of my daughters compatriots and I wonder why they don’t seem to want me around. sigh.
However, and this is BIG, there is so much freedom in being 43 and NOT 16. There are things I just don’t care about anymore which is so delightful. Turning 40 was so liberating.
That having been said, I just went back to work this year and I feel like I am losing my muchness, which makes me really sad. I think I know my way home, but each time i find myself in this place, I return for it a little different. But I also must remind myself that I also return fuller and much more than I left.
Oh Vanessa – I so relate to this post in many ways. I don’t want to lose the young in me, either. And I appreciate little things and silly things more now than when I was younger. I, too, wish that the older me could replace the younger me. Things would have been so different. Of course, all the paths I’ve taken have led me to where I am – all the twists and turns, be it good or bad, have shaped me into the person I am today. It is comforting to know finally who I am. Sometimes I become sad – like I have wasted time. But it wasn’t, really. Just another path to self-discovery. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. xoxo
I love this post, V. You’re an amazing combination of calming peace and awakening force, and reading your words always affects me. xo
Magical words and photos, dear Vanesa.
Whenever I feel a change coming like that, I know it’s something good in the wind coming. So just be and before you know it that beautiful change will be here. Whatever it is.