I often think about that night I sat at that red light…
In my car.
Around 18 or 19 years old…
Choosing my journey.
Only now…
I realize…
That really, my journey actually chose me.
It wasn’t until this very moment that I realized that fact.
That night, all those years ago…
I heard two voices guiding me.
Yes yes, I did hear two voices.
At a red light, sitting in my car, haha!
No, I am not mad.
Or am I?
🙂
The thing is, that is the second in time that I committed to living a creative life.
In that moment everything in me shifted.
I stepped out of the path I was in with all my friends, and started running through the proverbial forest.
I wasn’t going to pursue the things my friends were after, but I didn’t even know why?
What I did know was that, it was my truth.
I ran and ran with my decision in hand.
It fit me like a glove, it felt like the most “right” thing I had ever decided to do.
I was going to pursue creativity as a life path.
The thing that had saved me from my first true heartbreak was indeed paint.
Saved me from feeling lost.
From being an angst ridden teen.
It was the only thing I cared about.
Paint, clay.
That was it.
That was the decision.
And mostly, I was doing it for the health of my soul.
(like digging in soil)
Because creating made me feel so good and alive and free.
And the most like me, than anything ever had.
How I knew that then, I never knew?
I always thought I just knew.
But really, now I realize, I was being guided.
And that makes so much more sense.
And still today, it was the most right decision for me.
I always felt (when I was very young) that my emotions were so intense.
I needed something strong to balance me out.
Something good.
I had started really too early in life, as a little girl asking, who am I?
Who am I?
But creativity helped me feel true to me.
And in it, I discovered myself.
Over years and time.
And still, you change and learn.
Even today, you meet new pieces of yourself.
And sometimes….
Life gives you some real hard times.
Kicking you in the tooshie.
Making you wonder again.
Who you are and what the heck is up?
And so, you step back.
Assess things.
You realize you have changed vastly.
And yet…
And yet…
For someone like me, and maybe you too?
The paint (creativity) brings you back.
To who you are.
To where you belong.
Whether you share it or not with others.
It’s there.
All those stories and characters alive in your mind.
That safe place, where you have endless butterfly picnics with someone called Art.
Where creatures and characters beckon.
Where you are never forgotten.
And the things is…
If you listen even just a little…
To those creative voices…
They will hold your hand and take you to the most magical places sitting right inside of you.
Waiting to jump onto paper.
Tucked right in your heart.
The you-ness explodes.
Eunice?
(my fave nickname for my sis)
Maybe creativity is just the nourishment it needs.
Like growing pink peonies in spring?
It’s never too late or too early to plunge you know.
Do it for you.
You aren’t too old.
Or too square.
Or too logical.
Or too stuffy.
Or too afraid.
Or too “not the creative type.”
It doesn’t matter what path you chose.
Or what life hands you.
Bad or good or scary or sad.
Ups and downs and all arounds.
It is never ever ever too late, to find that thing that makes you tic.
Or to plunge deeper into what you already love.
Maybe you already know what it is?
Maybe you want something new?
Whatever it is that your soul itches for.
You deserve it.
You do.
I am listening to my paintbrush these days.
Letting my pencil take me to visit new characters and places.
Sometimes you have to have a date with yourself.
Sit down and get to know yourself, over and over again.
The skipping in the clouds me, had to get to know the me that had rotten awful things happen to her the last couple years.
In doing so, I am able to learn and grow.
And let go, and keep skipping.
Plus, how would you know a rotten strawberry from a delicious one, if there were no rotten ones?
(by the way, bonus, really actually skipping makes your abs sore, which has benefits too, haha!)
The thing is, so many good things happen in life.
We can’t let the bad trump the good.
It’s time for you.
You know it don’t you?
Plunge.
Little ways, or small.
Just plunge.
Take time for you.
Swim in a sea of creativity.
Baking, sewing, reading, painting, claying, singing, digging in dirt, piano keys, guitar strings, decorating, running, dancing, cloud gazing!
Whatever it is.
I think the doctor wants us to have a small dose.
Or large.
Or extra large.
Supersized!
You be the judge.
Looooove, V
And by the by, this was not what I intended to write today, but hey, I went with it.
Haha!
One of my faves from a few years back for a little weekending fun!
Vanessa:
I’m glad you wrote this even if it’s not what you had originally intended to write. I needed to read it, because bad times have a way of taking our hands and pulling us away from ourselves. Stealing our time away from creativity and skipping and cloud gazing.
I realized something this morning before reading this post. With so much scary stuff going on in my house right now, my mind is constantly on the bad stuff. It takes up so much of my thoughts and energy, it’s causing me to forget goodness. Example: Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. He would’ve been 94 if he were still alive. I have never EVER not remembered my mom or dad’s birthday. Even though they’re both gone, I always stop and remember and think about them on those days. Yesterday came and went in a whirlwind of worry over Gary not finding a job yet. I looked at the calender this morning and was horrified and disappointed in myself because I did not remember my dad’s birthday yesterday. That is the first time I’ve ever not remembered.
Worry and ugly stuff steals our hearts and takes our minds off of the really good stuff.
I have to make time for skipping. It is a must-do thing. My skipping in the clouds me has to figure out a way to get along with my worrying about bad stuff me.
Thank you for the reminder.
xoxo
Kim
Gerushia’s New World
Oh my dear girl,how I just adore you and hope that doesn’t sound creepy as I’ve never met you but feel such a connection to your words. Your words are JUST what I needed today and for many days to come. It’s the little nudges, the little feather light whispers, the faint callings of the “this is IT, oome follow me…” that my heart has been so tuned into as of late. I am not to old or set in a life that can’t be changed for the better. Just for me.
I’ve always felt so selfish to do what I want to do for me. Times are changing as I don’t see it as selfish but a gift to give to the world. When you do what your heart calls you to do, you are truly alive and then others will see that and want that to.The freedom of a life well lived and a purpose achieved in light and love. Not selfish. Life inspiring. Life giving. I needed this encouragement today more than you know and I’m thankful you went with it.
Meredith, you are so right, living your own life isn’t necessarily selfish, but it’s true to you. And that is what really and truly matters. If we don’t have a measure of genuine happiness in our lives, what do we have? You are so kindred!!! <3
Kim, you are so right, ugly stuff does steal from us. I work so hard not to let it in. Of course, I think it is important to cry and feel because if you don’t you will explode from stress, and I know you agree on that. But then, it’s important to search for the happy, somehow. Even when it feels too hard. I know you do it all the time xoxo
I am so thankful for your lines.
Thank you very much
XX
Vicky
I love your creativity as it speaks so vibrantly about life and what is so deeply important and needed in order to be free as a bird within ourselves. We need that part of us so much…I think I would shrivel up and die if I couldn’t use my creativity to escape the stuff that is going on in the world.
I have three, totally free days to myself this weekend as my hubby and son are at a car show event for the entire three days. What to do with myself!!! It is almost unheard of to have no one but myself and my craft room all to myself with no interruptions! Yay! I will probably be sorting and tossing, and organizing and maybe watch Austinland just for fun!
Thank you for this beautiful post as you always are so open and inspiring which shows each of us needs our own time and space to be creative in order to show who we really are.
lots of love,
Miss Teresa
wow, I have to say it feels like you wrote that just for me. Sometimes you know exactly what to say and when to say it! Like a gift! Thank you Miss V for all that you do share here with us!
🖤
I love this post, and it also makes me sad.
I was pushed off the creative path by rational parents and lost my way for so long. I wish I had known, like you, already at 19 what was the right path. I used to paint and draw and sew any chance I got, but anything that couldn’t be put to practical use was frowned on. So I lost the “for me” streak that ran through my creativity. Now I bake and sew, sure, but it always has to have “a purpose”. At 37 years old I haven’t touched a canvas for 20 years, and trying it on again fills me with fear of failure.
How profound. What an amazing statement you make. You always seem to say the right things to make one think. Exactly! Sometimes it takes another to set the record straight…I need my muse..she left for a little while and my door is always open for her return. With Spring taking its time to let everything bloom I am lost..camera is always ready but Spring is slow. I have to go to my art room and see what jumps out. Work has its way of interrupting ones creativity..Oh well, one does have to eat.
Thank you so much for your all.
I have had many things in life push me off my path, but I re-find it and
get back on. Sometimes its not so easy, but somehow the light shines
through the thick trees, and I see it again. 37 is a perfect age to
re-find the canvas. A) you dont have to show it to anyone if you do not
want toB) if failure is the worst thing that can happen, then you have
nothing to lose C) You really cant fail, especially if you are just doing it
for yourself D) Go for it, paint on anything, wood, paper,
cardboard. Its the release through painting that is good for the
soul.
I heard something in the middle of the night in an infomercial about
anxiety…. and it said that creative people must always have an outflow of
creativity. Because if there is no outflow, then it causes unrest in the
soul. Which is so true for me.
If you feel inclined to flick paint around, do it. It is so releasing
and cathartic.
One of the most important things I do for my soul,is abstract
paint. I started this when I was 11 years old. Just for fun.
And it is so crucial to my psyche.
I call that sort of painting, painting emotions.
You are literally taking all the emotions, and purging them.
Its great, and bonus, you dont have to show it to anyone if you dont
want to. And it doesnt even have to be good, because its an exercise for
the soul 🙂
Go for it my friend!! xoxo
Blog: http://www.aFancifulTwist.com
Website: http://www.VanessaValencia.com
In a message dated 4/26/2014 3:14:04 A.M. US Mountain Standard Time,
I loved your post! It’s so true! I feel so much better when I’m creating something! I even love to color in a kids coloring book! I get lost in it & it clears my mind like meditation does! I don’t dwell on things when I’m crafting.
I’ve had a lot of bad times in my life & people who have tried to “clip my wings”.
I think I’m finally getting better at being me & if people don’t like it, oh well!
I’ve taken care of a lot of people through my life & now I’m managing to find a little more me time!
But it was the right thing to write.
A wonderful post and so right on!
My heart is so sad when I am not creating
something, anything, even just baking a
cake sort of creating. It does free us
to fly. Thank you for your words.
Wonderful post. Thank you.
I didn’t have time to read this post this morning. The cleaning and washing and life things were calling me and I just intended to stop by to look at a few pretty pictures to get me going. But your words…they called me and they spoke to the heart of me. You were supposed to write this post today only you didn’t know it at the time. Thank you for confirming what my soul has been stirring. Patty
Your poetic waxwings always speak to me in inconceivable ways. I feel so blessed to be able to connect with you, and many more of these art filled people that I have been drawn to and have been drawn to me! I truly believe the energy we send out allows us to connect with those who have similar, kindred energies, and who have made similar choices. Choices to choose art, joy, and to not give in to the undesirable tendencies of the world around us. Such beauty and peace in this life, if only we choose it!
Waxings not waxwings LOL!
Yes and truth. And I am glad that red light caught you, lest you become some sort of business suited briefcase bearing professional who secretly longs to paint (or write)…although I guess because you committed so completely, I honestly can’t see you being anything else, anywhere else. You do feel, a thousand miles away, like a person who is doing EXACTLY what Universe gave her the gift to do..
And you share it with the likes of us!! Yiippeeeee!!!!