This has been on of the most curious weeks ever. Something tells me I should not even be writing this post…
I tried to come here on Thursday, and in the middle of typing my keyboard stopped working.
Weird.
I got another one.
Then, I tried posting Friday, and my mouse stopped working, right in the middle of a thought.
Weird.
The mouse and keyboard were a set – so maybe they needed each other to keep working?
I have no clue - the good news?
I can now type and mouse again.
🙂
But now I feel like, maybe the tale I was going to tell, was something I wasn't supposed to type.
Maybe it was a sign?
Okay, maybe not.
I was busier than ever this week because I was having some visitors and I wanted to have a spotless house. Plus, I got wrapped up in a new painting. Yes a new one, never-mind that I have others to complete 🙂
I did a deep clean in our abode, you know, nooks and crannies and carpets/rugs and everything.
It now feels light and fresh in our world.
I love when it is time to wash winter away, fresh starts and all.
Life is coming up everywhere.
White blooms on the plum and apricot trees.
Pink on the peach tree…
And swirled pink and white blossoms on the quince tree.
In the midst of my cleaning shenanigans, my brain was thinking thinking thinking.
On one particularly beautiful afternoon, I thought about someone I had not thought about in a long time. 5 years or so.
Thoughts about an old friend swirled around me.
Sometimes really good friendships come to an end.
They just do.
And, I am okay with that.
People drift apart, or one has complexities that the other one can't understand – and so slowly, what was once the greatest friendship, full of stories and secrets and laughs, comes to and end.
I never really mind this sort of thing, as I know, it happens sometimes.
Maybe it is because in my early 20's, that whole relationship fiasco – which made me get a grip fast, taught me to see the beauty, even in saying good-bye.
Anyhow, I was thinking about this friend while dusting my secretary bookcase.
There was a lovely cool breeze that wafted around, and I thought about her with the most kindness and pleasantness ever. I thought about how she would LOVE Miles (Matty might scare her). And how, she would be soooo beyond amazed at how much my life has changed since her and I were bashing around town, shopping and wining and dining.
She always talked about selling everything and moving to Barcelona.
One thing she and I spoke often about, was a friend of hers which she had lost in the late eighties or so. She loved him so much, and they were beyond close. He was her biggest supporter and all around best friend. He left a huge void in her life, when he died. That kind of sad deep void that can never be filled.
She kept his cat.
But years later when the cat died, losing the cat, was like losing her friend all over again.
So, we would often talk about this.
One day I was talking to her about a new Tori Amos album, she was not a fan as I am, but she loved this one song (posted at the end) that I played for her.
It reminded her so much of her friend she had lost.
She was speechless, and looked at me with the saddest face I have ever seen.
Then…
We both sat in my car, and I sobbed with her.
I almost found myself missing her friend for her.
Isn't that funny, when that happens?
Anyhow – I had this lovely memory of my old friend, and then went on cleaning.
Content with my day.
Isn't it nice, when you have forgotten all the difficult reasons why you lost contact with someone? And even though you don't want to go back, you have made peace with that person in your own heart?
I love that point.
Anyhow, a couple days later I was dusting my rocks, when I found out that –
Quite possibly, on the very day I had been thinking about my old friend…
Her time had come.
She had crossed over to a better place.
In my deepest heart of hearts, I know that she has refound her bestest friend who she lost all those years ago, and that they two are sitting somewhere, under a big blooming tree –
No care in the world.
Just happiness, and peace.
🖤
(the song I spoke of above)
On Saturday, I awoke to find a massive grey and white owl sitting on a wooden post in my garden, just starring at me, for a good while.
Curious, odd, interesting, feeling, deep, beautiful little week.
Love, V
ps: Looking for the most fulfilling warm, softer than angel wings hug in the whole world? Looking to have your heart stolen for keeps? Looking for the bestest snuggler in the county?
Okay, here you go…
Wow…that’s beautiful and sad all at once. I have a handful of lost friends. I think about them sometimes…and through time, I have forgotten the hurt of loss. Now, I remember the good times.
I hope your friend truly is with her love.
xoxo
Kim
Gerushia’s New World
Beautiful post Miss Vanessa. I think we all remember that we need to remember. The good with the sad.
Oh, my, Vanessa
What a sad but uplifting post. Sigh… I am sorry about your friend. This may sound strange but when I see owls, there has usually already been a death of someone I know, or that my husband knows. It never fails, that when I see an owl, which is very visible, I know something has happened. There is also a unique woman in our city who used to walk or ride her bike. A very unusual woman who would walk all over town. Her obsession with staying excessively thin, scared a lot of people who were concerned about her. She was an eccentric person. Anyway, I didn’t see her very often around the city, but when I would see her, she was also kind of like an omen when something strange would happen in our city too. Even my oldest son said when he saw her walking, he knew something was going to happen. And every time he saw her someone in his peer group would have an accident or die.One time I went into our health food store and there she was, making a purchase. It was kind of spooky. As I thought, Great! What is going to happen now!
Life is strange at best. I won’t tell you another way that I know something is going to happen as it is a bit more gross, but the same thing transpires. I’m not superstitious, I am just deeper into noticing things out of the ordinary. Some people do have a sixth sense, and while you were thinking of your friend whilst you were house cleaning must have been vibes. I’m so sorry you did not get to see your friend again before she passed on. Thank you for sharing your memories about her and for the Tori Amos song.
May you have a very special day today.
hugs,
Miss Teresa
Miss Teresa, I would love to know the gross version 🙂
You know – I am glad that I did not see my old friend. It was good to
leave well enough alone, and just have these new found healed pleasant memories,
you know what I mean? She was soooooo complicated – that, this was best…
there is a sense of beauty and peace I am left with – that is very lovely.
You are so full of interesting things. I must hear more!!
Vanessa
Valencia {A Fanciful Twist}
Website: http://www.VanessaValencia.Com
Blog: http://www.aFancifulTwist.Com
In a message dated 3/11/2012 12:41:28 P.M. US Mountain Standard Time,
Kim, you are so lovely – thank you for being you.
Yes Yes Miss Linda, the good with the sad. Perfectly put!
Interesting all this talk.
I see cats. Darting, shadowy cats before something (usually of the unpleasant variety) happens. A cat dashing behind a door and – uh-oh. I guess that is why I’m not a big fan of cats! It was a spooky, freaky kind of week. Loved the story of your friend. Funny how friends come and go isn’t it? They seem to come just when you need them and leave…the same.
Odd talk for an odd week. I loved this post, Missy! – Kathy
Beautiful post dear girl…these friendships and endings come to most of us…I don’t think it was a coincidence that you were filled with loving thoughts and memories at this time…somehow…in some way we can’t understand…we are all one…
This post was so touching. When you think about it, no one is ever gone forever–not really. We will always be reunited again, someday. And on that day, we can sit under that beautiful, pink blooming tree of yours and just live in peace. How wonderful?
I am glad you found peace within yourself about your friend. I guess sometimes it is best if we just move on.
Have a lovely week 🙂
xoxo Jess
A loving tribute, you are a good friend V.V.!
Hugs!
Yodee
Beautiful photos – and thank you for sharing this story. I guess I’m still working on finding that point where a friendship break-up doesn’t hurt anymore :-S There are a couple of people in particular that I’m thinking about and one of them specifically is someone I’ve just crossed paths with again and will have to find a way to deal with – unless she decides to disappear from the situation again.
Hi Vanessa, what a special story. I think your friend was getting in touch with you to let you know everything in all right. I dont think that was a coincidence. And how amazing is that.
I hope you have a wonderful week, I hope you have a great of creating.
Gail 🙂
Oh Vanessa, my heart aches so at the thought of your old memories and your friend. How strange that you would think of her on that specific day and how sad for she must have been young.
I once had a friendship that I let die then tried 5 years later to rekindle. I spent the next 9 months mourning the friendship that once was but was never to be again. It is true that some friendships are better left in the past.
I’ll send up a little prayer for her family who must be hurting beyond belief.
Much love to you too, my Fanciful friendling ‘-).
Cori
Vanessa, it sounds to me like you were meant to write THIS post, and no other.
You are so kind and trusting and a wonderful good friend, and I’m sure this girl held that in her heart despite reasons or rhyme and that owl you saw was the wisest and highest version of herself come to bid you hello. Birds always represent the ones we love. Even love is possible between two friends who’ve drifted. I’m sure of this.
Today I dusted Strange Beautiful Lady and I sent you a bazillion kisses on the wind. One for each of the times you’ve lifted me up without even knowing it. I still cherish our phone conversation and to say you knew all along would be so very very accurate.
Your insights into human nature astound me and I’m so beyond happy to know you.
Wow, a coyote just howled in the distance…see? I believe in these things too!!!
Don’t ever change you are a gift to this planet woman. Xo
I think that once we’re able to see past the painful reasons we may have parted with someone, and remember the good times, the fun, the specialness of that particular relationship, is the best part of parting with someone we once cared for.
I’m glad your friend from your younger years has found her way back to the one dearest to her. Love & hugs. ^-^
XOXO
The path today lay ahead of me.
In a stream of mist.
The singing birds.
The walnut tones.
The hues of amber.
Silence in alone.
Across the sun,
A fur baby runs,
Into friends arms.
Amongst the flowers,
Of tomorrow.
Very beautiful post. We once had a bird fly into the house, it got upstairs. I managed to take the screen off the window and it flew out. My mom told me that was an omen of death and a couple weeks later my nephew died.
I have had a sad week. Wed. when I left work I went to the bookstore and was going to go see my sister at the hospice care center but my other sister called to tell me she had just died. We are having a memorial service for her on Sunday. I’m putting together pictures for a CD to celebrate her life.
Spring helps me to push sadness and depression away. The redbuds are blooming, They are one of my favorite trees. We’ve started a garden. There is still hope and happiness in the world.
I meant to tell you I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend but am so happy for you of your happy memories. And glad she is now with her dear friend.
Annalee, You are perfectly correct. I met my friend I speak
ofin my early twenties – she was about 20 something years older than
me. I have always had friends a bit older than me, and my loves have been
older than me too. I think, I just have always had an old soul – or I have
been told. 😉 I have learned so many life lessons from everyone I
have met in my life. Thats part of it…. when you learn to let an old
friendship or relationship go, you also learn from it. You learn about
yourself, and in turn you grow as a person…. older and wiser, older and
wiser ;)))
Gilly, I just adore you, you sweet darling you!!! You are right, on
some level – there was peace and love found. I hope I imparted something
to her- a learning, even though she was two or more decades older than me, she
had a young heart at times. A longing heart. I think age doesnt
matter about anything much, does it? The older I get the more I find, I am
wiser – smarter, know myself better – but still feel 17. Curious how
things work out. I felt that owl myself….. I believe too….
Love you!
G.G. Pinkster, you always make me gasp with your beauty of words.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart – for these pieces of art in words that
you share. You know I love them so!!!
Renee, I am so so so sorry for the loss of your sister. You are such
a beautiful soul – :there is still hope and happiness in the world…. I
so agree with you. We can break down and cry and be sad – but we also have
to find the golden thread and pull ourselves up to see the happiness and hope
still around us….. That is what life is all about, I am coming to find
out…… 🙂
Yodee, you knew her – so it means so much to me for you to say that……..
love you!
Maria-Thérèse,
I find that, for me, if things feel sort of uncomfortable or strange in a
friendship/relationship sometimes it is a sign that maybe, that isnt good for
us? We can be kind and cordial with people – but we dont have to be best
friends with them again. Something are better left alone, I believe.
🙂
Oh, thank you lovely Gail!!!
Miss Cori – I so agree, some things, are so so sobetter left in the
past. I have had a few friendships fizzle out over the years. And,
my my my, I have learned so much about myself. It has made me so much
stronger – and I learned to be my own best friend. It also taught me what
Ido and do not want in my life. I have to stay away from anything
that brings me down, I just have to.
I adore people, of course, but I also found a happy place to do things
alone, and be content. That way, friends are just icing on the cake.
And sometimes, the cake has been eaten, and everyone must go their own
way. But I also have those friendships where life is busy, but from time
to time I pick up with them as if we had never lost touch. I love those
kind of friendships.
The complexities of my old friend and her family are vast…. so truly, I
am just remembering her from way far away, you know? She had had such a
tough life……. Sometimes we have to realize that – it really is not us,
and a person is more complex than we can handle, and moving on and having fond
memories of just the good and not the bad, is the best most wonderful thing you
can do, for yourself really. It takes some time to gethere though
– You know? I know you know, and get what I mean 😉
LOooooooooove U, V 😉
Chrisy, wow, now that is a thought……… all one…..
intense. Definitely something to ponder more. And true!!
Jess – hear hear! 😉
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. I had a similar experience a few years ago. We did not come to an abrupt or bad parting, just a drifting away. Then one day for no reason we connected and talked on the phone. The next week she was gone. (Totally unexpected and not an accident or anything.)
You are right. The best places to get hugs and have a good listener are right in your own garden. (Usually covered with fur.)
DogsMomsie – definitely covered in fur ;)))))
My equipment always breaks down or loses connection when I am writing the most true of things.
Wow. Very strange Vanessa. I had a similar experience last month. I often think about a dear lady who has touched my life, and inspired my artistic journey. But one day last month, she wasn’t just on the back of my mind. All I could think about was her. I resigned to contacting her and reconnecting. Two nights later, I was online, searching for a website with her art, or something where I could send her an email to arrange getting together.
When I googled her name, an obituary came up. I was so sad. But then… I was taken aback. The funeral had been that very morning, and she had died on the day I could not get her out of my mind, and spent the day reflecting on her influence in my life.
I feel like although I did not know she had passed, my angel did. And somehow that was felt inside of me.
What an amazing world we live in…
Thanks for sharing.
{Hugs}
~Linda
It’s so odd to have read this post today because I had been thinking about a friend that had passed away not too long ago and thinking how it just felt unreal that she was not with us anymore .And then I sat down and read this post that was a good reminder to think of the positive times you had with someone because really those memories are the only ones that truly matter in the end. I am very sorry about your friend but I’m glad that she finally found some peace and can be with her beloved.
And isn’t that what all of us long for?….to be
“sitting somewhere, under a big blooming tree –
No care in the world.
Just happiness, and peace.”
Thanks for such beautiful thoughts, Vanessa.
I am so glad the problems with your lost friend faded over time, and that pleasant, happy thoughts remained. That, I think, is a special gift, especially since soon after you learned of her passing. This was a very meaningful, thought-provoking post for me. Thank you for sharing with us!
Miles still looks so wonderfully soft.
Hugs to you and yours.
Dear Vanessa,
I am so sorry for your friend’s passing. So sad. I am sure the support and kindness you showed her after her loss stayed with her til her end. I lost my best friend when I was 21, and she was 20. I was a hard, hard high school girl. Along came Suzanne, and she saved me. Simple as that. She showed me kindness, tenderness, and patience. I am now 48 and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her. I am sure you and your friend always felt grateful for the gifts of love and kindness you gave to one another. But if she had a tough life as you mention, the kindnesses you showed her were immeasurable. You shared a true friendship.
Hugs,
Sarah
Vanessa, I almost don’t have any words to describe how beautiful and haunting and true this this post was. So sorry to hear of your friend’s passing – but even though your friendship was long ago, the memories created before will always last. And just when I was near tears – I see this heartwarming photo of Miles. Furry hugs will always cure melancholy. Big hugs, Vanessa. xoxo
Bittersweet yet beautiful…thank you for sharing xo
Love knowing these sweet stories of friend connections. Hugs!
Isn’t that so peculiar the way things work out? I agree with Elizabeth. This is very bittersweet. I am sorry to hear of your friend’s passing, even if you had not spoken in quite some time. It always comes as a shock. A few months ago some people from high school were taken away from us in a car crash. They were only in their late teens. So strange how things work out. Blessings to you though Vanessa, you are truly an intuitive soul.
this is a beautiful story xxx
Absolutely lovely story Vanessa! You are an inspiration for storytelling! People come in our lives for reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. I believe this is true. One thought of her in that cool breeze, was her saying hello to those in her life that had touched her while she was still on earth, she saw your thoughts about her (maybe she put them there), then she sent the owl to make sure you knew it was her. blessings to you, you are such a wonderful soul!!
My lost friends always come back to me in first spring days. I guess they miss the sun as much as I do.