My renewed appreciation for the Shrine I made years ago,
and shared in the post below, all of a sudden makes perfect sense.
All of it slammed together like a puzzle piece…
My Mom reminded me, it was a special day today.
A very special day for a certain someone who meant more to us than she knew.
Meant more to us, than perhaps we even knew.
"Sit back and think," I said to myself.
Think of the woman, whose birthday would have been today, if she had still been here.
49.
49 is young.
Is she watching us?
Is she in Paradiso Perduto?
I grasp for memories. I ask myself questions…
Why don't we take time out of our selfish lives, to do the things we should do?
Take the phone call.
Meet for a chat.
Be there.
You never think that one day, it might be too late.
And the one thing about time passing is, you can never go back.
You just can't.
You can't rewind, even to the last second in time that fluttered by…
I close my eyes and see her.
She was funny.
She loved attention.
She adored feeling needed and wanted.
She loved inventing stories that she wished were her reality.
Her characters were vast.
I forget often, that she is not with us.
And when I am reminded, the swell of pain is far too great –
Far too great.
I dreamed her in a white dress. In this dream, she was running from me asking me to leave her alone, because she was happy wherever she was. But when she saw my tears she stopped, clasped my hands in hers, and whispered to me that, if I missed her, all I had to do was look at my hands, because we have the same hands…
I woke up frantic.
I didn't know if it was true. Did we have the same hands??
Was it really all just a dream?
I searched and searched for a photograph, of her hands…
I found one today.
My heart never ached such an ache.
Did my Aunt really die a few years ago?
My Mother's sister, a missing piece of our very close family.
The first missing piece of our family.
It seems so unbelievable to my mind.
Yet, for some reason, reality hit me today.
Like never before…
I can hear her, "Hi Vannnnnnessssaaa" she dragged my name out dramatically.
I look down, at my hands.
They look just like hers…
The ache that comes from that particular feeling of loss never, ever goes away. It merely subsides, it diminishes a bit, but it will always come back…quick, like a knife blade through the heart. Sigh…I live with this ache every single day. My Mom and my Sister. It matters not how much time goes by, I still feel them, I still hear them, they will always be with me. Just as your Aunt will always be with you! And I do believe in dreams. If your Aunt came to you in yours, then she was there!
Hi Vanessa,
This is so sad to read but so full of love.
Your Aunt sounds lovely and it sounds as if she is happy wherever she is.
Sarah x
aahhh speaking of angels….
%*_*%
oh sweetheart 🙁
Death is just too awful. Is there no kind of magic to stop it? During Easter I was at my mum’s house and heard someone outside. I looked through the peep hole on the door, and I thought it was my uncle – he died in January. It just seemed so normal and I was so happy to see him again – but after a second I realised it was his brother. Since I partly live in my imagination, I thought if I don’t open the door maybe it’s really him.
Nice dedication, Vanessa. I love to light candles on those days I want to pay special attention to the loss of my grandmother, like her birthday or death anniversary. All the best! Cheers, Julie
Lovely tribute to your Aunt.
She still lives in your heart and minds.
My thoughts are with you, your Mother and all those who loved your Aunt.
You are so right. One day, it may be too late. I think of my best, Sean, who has recently passed.
What I have learned now is to reach out and make those phone calls. Set time to meet the people closest to you.
Your dream of your Aunt is her saying hello and allowing you to remember. I send you much love, Lady V.
This touched me deeply……
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
V~
So very touching!!
It reminds me of the saying I’ve heard before that tomorrow is never a guarantee. You should live every day like it’s your last and cherish those around you.
Hugs!!
Kylee
Mom’s sister – I had one of those special aunts too. I know the pain you feel because I felt it when she left. Luckily, I had her a lot longer than you had your aunt around. How nice that all you have to do is look at your hands to remember her!
Sending you and your beloved Mommy all my love. What a lovely dream you were blessed with. **blows kisses** Deborah
Vanessa, this post brought tears to my eyes. I was so touched by the pain that you feel. I’ve felt it, too. Why do we always think there’ll be time? I love the picture of her hands, dressed in white. I believe she visited you in your dreams. She must have loved you so much. Twyla
Miss Vanessa, this was an incredibly moving post today! Those we have loved and lost leave such a hole in our lives….there is nothing to fill that void except with memories and love. And if you remember with love you have never really lost have you? Thank you for this….too often we get caught up in our daily lives that we forget to remember those that have passed on. I will send some prayers skyward to my angels…my creative angel Aunt Charlotte….my father-in-law Irv….Grandma Agnes, peonies and roses are her scent and the Brewers were her team….Andrea the singing angel……thank you for reminding me to never forget.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
Vanessa,
Sometimes the sadness we feel goes into a special place we have reserved for moments such as these. Something triggers the ache of which you so poignantly speak of…in the sweet whisper of the name…a foggy dream, a scent, or the reminder of the day.
Unfortunately, you can never go back only forward. Life is for the living and the people who have gone on, who we have been so blessed with that played such an important role in our lives remain only in the sweet memories of our heart.
My good wishes are with you today Vanessa.
God Bless,
Kris
Hi V ~ Lovely & heartfelt post. The shrine pics are beautiful!
Chris
XOXO
You hit a sad part of my heart today as I am grieving yet celebrating the loss of my parents this past month. They were a love story and I am so blessed to have had them to love me, teach me, laugh with me, cry with me, scold me and just be there for me no matter what. It is so true that we must do those things that we put off with our loved ones and friends because life can just go “poof” and they are gone… but not gone in spirit! Never in my wildest dreams would I have believed that the two of them would be gone in the month of April …everyday I cry and I laugh and I smile at the goodness they left to me.
Darling Missy,
Such a sweet, heart-achy post. I have two people I miss with such fierceness. Sometimes I think I can squeeze my eyes tight shut, and hear their voices.
The fact that part of her lives in you (hands are so expressive aren’t they?) and that your memories are so strong and sharp means she will never leave you.
I loved this post…
xoxo
Kate
Beautiful post. I’m sorry about your Aunt.
oh my
a sweet shrine
for all those missing
but still loved
🖤🖤🖤
how fortunate for you
that your aunt’s hands~~
your hands~~
help make
art…
creating red~haired dancing~girls
and
making little shrines.
in between your tears
you must be smiling
with loving 🖤 remembrance.
We remember them, not only once a year, but every day. I’ve lost two family members in the last three years, and when the first died so suddenly, my 6 year old said through her tears, “But now our family isn’t complete any more.” So true. It never will be again. We honor their lives and the people they left behind who loved them. I have shrines for them only in my heart. Thanks for the beautiful post.
Oh V to the Vulnerable Heart~
Dont you love it, (isnt faith the strongest), when the universe hands you an assignment, and you’re not sure why, but you are compelled to do it anyway, and fnd it resonates with you, and its more than just an ordinary assignment, but you cant put your finger on why exactly, and then instead of having to wait forever to find out, someone (sometimes your AHA! self) comes along and gives you the answer immediately?
How utterly, positively beautiful. A shrine for the strong female influences in your life who left the earthly realm in body, but who continue to live through you and your art, and your spirit.
I’ve had this journal with Frida on the cover forever, and have deemed it too sacred to write in. (How could i write anything worthy?) Maybe I’ll change my mind, and use it as a written shrine to thank the beautiful female influences in my life.
xoxoxoxroo
Chills and tears Miss V…she is still with you…just dream!
What a beautiful tribute to your aunt, and how sad for her to have passed so young. I’m sure she is smiling down at the shrine and your remembrance of her birthday…
~ Carolee
Your post gives me the chills in a sad but at the same time wonderful way.
When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, my grandfather passed away from cancer. Iris is now almost two years old, and her smile looks just like my grandfathers smile. It makes me so sad that she never got to meet him… he was such a wonderful person.
Aw, I’m so sorry sweetie. There is something so nice about that-your hands and hers, so you’re always connected; by hearts and souls and hands.
What a beautiful memoriam, Vanessa. I’m glad you have her hands.
Oh my…. what a beautiful heart wrenching but uplifting story…
A lovely tribute to someone who obviously was a great influence in your life…
Now here is what got me …. the hands…. in most photos you dont see the hands… you see faces… full body… back of heads…. rarely do you see hands… but you have this dream where she tells you to look for the hands…. then you find a photo that has them…. WOW!!! I have chills their electrifying…..what an amazing bond!!
I love your shrine… I love the post about Frida… I LOVE YOUR SOUL!!
LOTS OF HUGS
JO
Vanessa,
It is so true that we need to Thank God for the people around us and take time for them. My mother is 83 years old and I call her several times a day, because I know her time with us is short. I want to cherish this time and memorize all the special days. Your Aunt watches over you, I am sure and pours blessings down from heaven. Blessings, Karen
Oh Miss V. You have touched my heart tonight. XOXO
Such true emotions, Vanessa…. we so often become accustom to living without someone, that we tend to stop and revisit them in our minds and hearts. But wait! Hands…her hands held your heart, as yours hold her memories! What a beautiful legacy to have with each other. She loves you, watches you from above and continues to live in your heart… not far from your hands at all, you see? : )
xo
VB
So sorry to read about this loss in your life. It seems no matter how long its been since they left us, we still think of them and hurt. I pray that as the years pass the sting of loss will lessen and you will only dwell on the good times, the traits you share. She’s watching over you I’m sure. Blessings to you.
My brother has been gone for 29 years and I miss him more as time goes by. Especially, now, that my parents are elderly and my dad is in failing health.
He was just 24 when he died and I was 28.
~elaine~
Vanessa:
Hold her hands. Don’t let go. Keep her in your heart.
My mom is still on this earth, yet she haunts me every day. It’s haunting that she can’t walk, can hardly talk and she has lost her logic. I close my eyes, think back to when she was my MOM, my keeper, my protector. I dream of her at night. Sometimes a dream, sometimes a nightmare.
Your hands are your link…don’t let go, but know when to let go.
Kim
Garden Painter Art
ooooh, what a beautiful creation–the fairies are rejoicing.
How touching…and what a blessing to be touched by someone so beautiful.
I found your post to be especially moving. One reason because it made me think of my mom who died 20 months ago. It also reminds me how short life can be- I will be 49 this year.
I feel so blessed to have had my mom as I am sure you feel about your Aunt.
oxox
a hug to you, VanessaPie.
She’s smiling upon you in lovely land and knows you are smiling to her as well.
Beautiful and sad. Thank you for sharing this…makes us stop and remember.